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Welcome to Lotus Life the Podcast - with Rose Tautari

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A little bit about me...

For any of you new to Rose’s world, I’ve lived a lot of places in my 34 years -  when I was growing up my parents moved every 6 to 18 months all over the world, which was an incredible opportunity and blessing in my life and has been the thing that really lit my passion to build these connections and human-ness that we all experience and share those stories of how we create our happiest lives

Now when I was about 7 years old we were living in Fiji. Yes tropical island, white sand beaches, Pacific Island Fiji. We were shifting condo units, and now any normal 7 year old would be probably sitting in the car after packing like one box, impatient, rolling their eyes, wanting to get on with it and get moving.

But not me. Not little 7 year old Rose with her neon stripe coloured bike shorts and frizzy brown flyaway hair. Nope.

I was still up until the last second, in our condo, double &and triple checking every single drawer cupboard shelf... you name it I was looking through it. My parents were the ones outside waiting, you know, looking at the time wanting to get going because it was stressful and there was a lot to do right?

Next thing you know here I come down the stairs holding like this PRIZE all of our family cameras, video cameras expensive recording shit your know like struggling under the weight  cos this was stuff from the 80s and it was bigger than I was.

(Now I’m a parent to a 14 year old and let me tell you at 7 years old he was NOT lifting a finger to help pack the car, let alone checking whether we had left anything behind he is the one literally leaves ev-ery-thing behind!)

So that was me. Nw let me explain to you, that was my default setting. I was always seeking external validation. Be the good quiet girl in the corner reading a book, don’t make a fuss, get the best grades, do what is expected, get a pat on the back. Validation validation validation 

But you know on the flip side of that, if I received even the ‘slightest’ bit of negative feedback or whatever I was that kid locked in my room for a week crying and completely crushed.

My whole sense of self was wrapped in what other people told me i was.

So now fast forward 20 years or so, you know I’ve finished school & university got straight A’s the whole works, but I had developed this really cool new technique to kind of avoid that which is called numbing behaviour 

But you know it had a fun, chirpy charismatic personality. It wasn't called 'numbing' or 'avoidance behaviour'… it was MUCH more catchy sounding and it was called alcohol and disordered eating.
 
So I numbed by using alcohol the feeling of not being worthy, and not being good enough. While at the same time had this super tight grip controlling the thing I COULD control which was food and exercise.
 
So I spent my weekends getting wasted, dealing with massive hangovers because of FOMO (eg not being validated that I was important and loved by everyone) while also not eating properly because I thought that external validation only came by the bucketloads when I was a smaller body size.
 
The universe stepped in at this stage (probably rolling its eyes sick and tired of my bullshit. You know putting down its morning coffee like an irritated mum rolling their eyes muttering *ugh what is this one doing NOW*) and told me enough is enough.

In came a wonderful series of opportunities and learning experiences at this point which I followed, and that helped me move beyond my disordered eating.

But the alcohol dependence hung around. Another few years down the road and my new form of control to get validation was in the form of over-working.

You know if I just ‘proved’ I could work the hardest, hitting 80 hour weeks or more, I would be loved.

And the numbing with alcohol was now happening every night rather than just on the weekend to numb the fact I was feeling miserable and lost in this cycle of overworking and burnout. 

Again, the universe got sick of ma bullshit, stepped in and said ok, we gotta clearly give this one a sign They can’t fucking ignore …..  my health literally collapsed on me.

I had burnt the candle at both ends for too long, leaving me completely burnt out, with hypothyroidism and adrenal fatigue. My gut was a disaster,  I was a zombie, I was riddled with anxiety, I was foggy and I didn’t know myself anymore.

My moment came one evening driving home from another 12 hour workday and I was crying . You know I got very good at crying in my car at this time in my life.  I can remember having this flash thought in my brain that said (in a classic bimbo twirling hair around finger voice) “you know what? If you have 'like' just a *little car crash*… then you’d be able to be in bed in hospital for a while & it would all have to stop & you’d get a break!”

What.
The.
Fuck.

Right?!

So I’m ever so PLEASED to be able to tell you I did NOT have a car crash… but instead I had that push from the universe to jolt me to wake the fuck up and stop living on auto pilot.

So I pulled over the car, got out my phone, and I opened my podcast app.

(I was listening like the control freak I was to all these business podcasts at the time - you know "how to own the corner office in stilettos and run the world & shit")

But the episode that I pressed play on that day was an interview with a now mentor of mine Gabby Bernstein.

I can’t even remember what was said in that episode but what I can tell you is that it led me directly on the path that led me to you here today. 

I was finally able to wake up and see my own bullshit, do the inner work to stop fearing what the world was saying about me. 

Another really cool thing was that I was also able to finally understand that I’m a helper and a mentor at heart.

I’m not some corporate bitch wearing high heels like those power-entrepreneur podcasts and books I was listening to. 

I’m a yoga pants wearing, dog cuddling, sand between my toes mentor and i love connecting women and finding ways to curate and nurture happiness.
 
Because while your story no doubt  looks different to mine, there are millions of women just like you and I who are stuck in those places of fear and unworthiness… and I know it’s my purpose in this world to extend a hand and say it’s ok, step this way and I promise it gets better.

And that’s why I’m here doing what I do, and that’s why I’m so grateful truly that you are here and choose to invite me into your life, whether you are listening to this at home, at the gym, in your car … I don’t take a second of that for granted in this noisy complicated world… so thank you for being here to join me on this adventure - I can’t wait to share with you all the incredible guests and stories and redirections and triumphs that us humans all have in common at the end of the day. The power of community and connection is a beautiful thing, and what ever you might take away from this podcast I hope to be able to spread just a little more happiness around, because thats one of our essences in life, and we can always find it even in the darkest and gloomiest of spaces. 

I can’t wait to hang out with you on the next episode!

Rose

xxx

Now ain't nobody ever got time for a review - i know! But in this world little efforts like yours are how independent shows like this are able to succeed in a world full of corporate sponsored podcasts from the big names. (Yup no thousand dollar sponsorship deals here - just your girl and her microphone!) So before you carry on with your day, would you make a teeny tiny exception and leave me a rating and review on the podcast in your favourite place to listen? My heart would literally burst with joy if you could!



 

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