Do you have those days where everything feels like it is out of your control?
Like you are bobbing around while all these outside things “make” decisions for you?-
Like you aren’t in control of your life? As if life is just happening TO YOU?
I get it love, I’ve also been there and back again too many times to count. I can remember one day about 2 years ago in the car getting all welled up (while totally trying unsuccessfully to keep my cool) & I looked at Darren & said “I just feel like I don’t have any control over my own life anymore”
That feeling really stung you know. It was a slap in the face, because I always thought of myself as this super independent, secure woman. Yet here I was flailing at 30 something without any control over the thing that should have truly been MINE.
If you’re currently going through that season – BREATHE babe. It will change. I SEE you & I’m giving you all the virtual hugs for still moving forward even when you feel like that right now.
What I found since I really started working HARD on my mindset & self love journey is that surrender isn’t the same as allowing yourself to be without purpose.
What I mean by that, is that you can surrender to the external forces – stop trying to micro-manage, control, fix, blame, question your self worth & run around doing ALL THE THINGS…. While still having your true purpose in mind. By having that confidence & determination in yourself, you can take what could be a negative situation & flip it to focus on the positives. Just because one thing goes ‘wrong’ doesn’t mean you are a failure. (Which trust me, in my past, that was pretty much my default setting! If any little thing went wrong I used to immediately play the game of “I’m not good enough”)
Today has been a lesson for me in surrender.
I’m staying at a friends holiday house for a few days away from home, for what was supposed to be a “working retreat” of sorts for me … the boys are away on a surfing-school-holidays trip. So I had my plan of work to get done, photos to shoot, blog posts to write, social media’ing to dive into, you know … world domination.
I was just finishing my morning journaling, when the power shut off. I waited a while. Ate my breakfast, made a lukewarm cup of coffee… still no power. A bit of digging later & I found out there is a planned outage ALL DAY TODAY. So no power, no wifi… none of the things I was relying on to smash my to-do list.
The cell phone reception here is patchy at best, I have to stand on one foot in the corner of the lounge holding my breath just to get a strong enough cell phone connection to post an insta story. I decided by lunch time THIS AIN’T GONNA WORK.
So I surrendered.
I got through as much “offline” work as possible…. While my laptop battery was still alive & kicking. I walked my doggies along the beach. I had a long shower & washed my hair (a big deal in my world! Hands up team once a week washers!)
You know how I was able to not spiral into “negativity” land? My purpose in life is to build happiness for myself. I’m here to be the happiest, healthiest person I can be. All that CONTROLLING doesn’t serve me. I was able to look at the situation & make a clear decision. How am I going to approach this? What can I learn from this? So here’s my 3 tips to “surrender with power”:
1. Focus on doing the little tasks you can. I didn’t throw the whole day out the window just because I couldn’t do the big projects… I just re-wrote my list to prioritise the small, but important steps I COULD take to keep moving forward. I also took the time to be kind to myself, remind myself I am doing the best I can, & that I am still cute & wonderful & worthy.
2. Embrace the opportunity given to you. By accepting & surrendering, I was able to go for a long walk with my dogs instead. Giving them love & getting to spend a whole lot more time laughing at them, moving my body & getting fresh air. I know I’m a lot healthier because I embraced that opportunity!
3. Put yourself at the top of the list. I’m sure a lot of you reading this feel the same as I do, getting the luxury of a long shower is BLOODY AMAZING. Having one in the middle of the day … well that seems downright bananas to me because I NEVER do that. You know what? I felt like I’d stepped out of the best kind of day spa … my self-care points were off the charts.
What you focus on expands – I’m on this planet to make a difference in millions of lives. So without shame, guilt or internal discussions about “whether I am deserving enough” I choose to focus on me. Because you cannot pour from an empty cup… and so until power is restored, you’ll find me filling up my own cup, nestled in a bean bag reading a good book & listening to snoring dogs.